Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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