then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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