you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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