Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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