alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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