A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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