and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
