I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
