Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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