38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
