We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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