I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
