that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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