You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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