Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
