Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love having hate sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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