who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
pray to the hookup gods
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
