wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
