I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just google imaged poop.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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