so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She announced her abortion via fbk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
