This is not my ceiling
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
