You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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