I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
