so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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