it was like eating out sand paper
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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