Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
