What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
