so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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