i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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