she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is wine microwaveable?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
