Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
