when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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