She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
