you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
