bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
