Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
