weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
