Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
