My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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