What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
