i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
