you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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