I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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