i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
