I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont even know how to be here
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
