I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
