this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
