the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
