okay pat passed out under dana's car
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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