You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
