i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
