Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
