Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
