I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize