I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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