Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
