got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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