Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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