Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
