Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
