in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
