I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
