I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.