true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.