I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
