I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
