I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's like iHOP with fire
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
