she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
