Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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