I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
