If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
