she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
