just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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