i think my mom watched the whole time
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
