Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
