You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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