Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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