and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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