I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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