So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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