Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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